On the 13th of June, 2015 I found out that you existed – I was four weeks pregnant and you were nearly ready to beat your little heart.
For the next eight months I vomited every morning before breakfast, I gained 25kg, I found it extremely difficult to breathe; I developed pre-eclampsia and I could no longer see where my calves ended and my ankles began.
You kicked me so hard in the bladder I wet myself, multiple times, but those kicks assured me that you were strong and well. All of this meant nothing, to me, because my body was providing you with sustenance, with life, with blood and with oxygen. I was your Mama.
On the 4th of February, 2016 you had decided that enough was enough and you were ready to meet your Mama. Since you didn’t wish to come out head-first a beautiful Doctor decided to cut me open and rip the skin as wide as it could go, which was okay, because you were safe, you were here and you were in your Mama’s arms.
Following on from our first meeting, you sucked on my nipples every hour, on the hour, for the next two weeks; until I no longer had nipples, just red nubs that bled constantly, I loved you too much to care (although the miracle that is formula really helped us through that period).
From those initials nights our bond grew and grew, those hours spent rocking you to sleep, those nights spent awake with you on my chest, those countless outfit changes due to poo explosions, projectile vomiting or nappy leaks were all worth it. I was your Mama and proud to be.
When you rolled the first time… I was there. Your proud Mama.
When you ate your first meal… I was there. Your proud Mama.
And then on the 5th of July, 2016 you looked up at me, your Mama, with those big beautiful eyes… you opened your gorgeous mouth and said your very first words…
Well Hutchence, my gorgeous boy, thank you for that soul destroying kick in the vagina. Thank you for repeating those two syllables constantly for the next four months before adding “Nana” to your vocabulary. Next time you can suck on your father’s nipples and see how much sustenance they provide you.
Love always, your MAMA!